Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Important Life Lessons

Geena Davis is in town, which I find a thrilling blast from the past (she hasn’t been too busy since Stuart Little 2). Discussion of this with housemate Jim led to a nostalgic re-living of one of her classics (in my mind) – A League of Their Own.

As I mulled the tale of a plucky pair of sisters playing baseball, spitting tobacco, timing how long it takes Tom Hanks to urinate and generally looking fabulous while milking cows, I couldn’t help but realize…

The Things A League of Their Own has taught me

1. Baseball exists – seriously, at the time, as an Australian, it was a revelation (side note: There’s no crying in baseball!)

2. The name Marla Hooch is phenomenal - they simply do not make names like that anymore

3. Rosie O’Donnell has not visibly changed in decades (a retrospective lesson)

4. Madonna can act – it helps if she’s playing a loose woman (don’t you love how I said ‘loose woman’ instead of ‘slut’?)

5. Do not try and do the splits like Geena Davis – it will not work out and you may get stuck

Within 10 years, movies are going to be responsible for 50% of all education*, so I next found myself considering the lessons one of my top 5 movies has given me. It’s not number 1 (it may be number 2), but it still has much sage wisdom to impart.

So without further ado, here are…

The Things Bring It On has taught me

1. Be aggressive, be-be aggressive

2. There’s no such thing as too many sequels (I currently own the box set of the first 5 Bring It On movies… fingers crossed the producers don’t stop cashing in any time soon)

3. Kirsten Dunst’s career peaked very early (all downhill post 2000)

4. Finding words in other words is fun (putting the ‘ass’ in ‘massive’, the ‘lewd’ in ‘deluded’, the ‘itch’ in ‘bitch’, the ‘whore’ in ‘horrible’), as is adding the word ‘cheer’ to anything (leading the discovery of the existence of ‘cheer-sex’)

5. Do not try and do a front handspring step out, round-off backhandspring step-out, round-off back handspring, full-twisting layout like Eliza Dushku – it will not work out, and Eliza almost certainly had a stunt double

* = I have made this statistic up, but doesn't it sound shocking and deplorable? I think I should writer teaser lines for current affairs shows.

Painefull Out

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