Sunday, June 12, 2011

You Need A Headbutt… (and other classic colleague comments)

Sometimes I bring out the patience in workmates. Most of the time I bring out the honest. Below are the Top 3 statements directed at me by colleagues from the past month.

Coming in at # 3…

“Did you brush your hair today?”

Judges say: Constructive, thought-provoking, an entirely valid question.

As Helena stood beside me during a rare lull on an early shift she couldn’t help but put forth a query which probably plagues a lot of people. This narrowly beats out the moment my boss pointed out that a recent visit to the hairdresser had left the back of my head looking much better than the front. The answer to Helena’s question was a resounding no.

Rocking out at # 2…

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but without glasses on you look 10% better.”

Judges say: A well-worn set up, with a delightfully back-handed conclusion.

I had to point out that I wear glasses all the time, thus Fanny was actually saying I spend most of my life looking 10% less attractive. LJ attempted to save the day with a slight correction: I’d say more like 8% better… maybe somewhere between 8 and 10% better. I love that there are statistics involved in this - it makes it all seem so much more scientific. Thank god you can measure the important stuff.

Storming home in the #1 spot…

“You need a headbutt.”

Judges say: Snappy, elegant, and frankly, probably deserved.

I totally deserved this. This is the reply you get when you constantly, and incorrectly, call someone a Vegan for 2 months, when in fact they are a Vegetarian. The lack of meat, when combined with the mitigating factor of working with a complete smart arse such as myself, can lead to violent thoughts. Dear Vegan, I know it’s not funny. Feel free to headbutt me at will.

Painefull Out

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