Friday, May 20, 2011
Calliope Seeks Date
There’s the tiny lies we tell ourselves – they’re acceptable and necessary (like “Of course money would make me a better person” and “I can totally imagine taking in foster children when I have my own family”). The small un-truths we tell friends and family are merely routine and expected (such as “You’re right mum, I’ll do that tomorrow, first thing” and “I had no idea this was a costume party, otherwise I definitely would have made the effort”). No one actually wants complete honesty, and if ever there was a time where the truth need not apply, it would be the time for dating.
Calliope, a gorgeous bi-racial butterfly, is looking to get back into the dating world, and so, being a modern woman, she’s taking the modern route. Hello online. Hello eHarmony.
This most ancient of sports has always been light on facts, and heavy on initial impressions. But technology has now given us new ways to mislead at first-profile site. And so, as Calliope opened up her page for Peta and I to view her potential love connections, we couldn’t help but point out an obvious flaw in her handiwork
PETA: But Cally… you’re not white.
CALLIOPE: I know.
P: You’ve said you are on your profile – you’ve selected white.
C: I didn’t really like any of the other options…
P: So when you actually meet them, are you just planning on telling them you have a really good tan?
C: Maybe they won’t notice.
P: Yes, yes they will.
ME: Hang on, won’t they notice when you put up a photo of yourself?
C: I don’t really want to put a photo of myself up. I don’t want guys to decide by what I look like.
ME: Didn’t the 3 of us just decide you should reject a guy because it looked like he was posing as David Caruso in CSI: Miami?
After some negotiation, and a brief flirtation with the idea of adding my albino visage to her profile, Cally opted to tick a more racially accurate box. But how honest must we be when it comes to online dating? If the answer is, only as honest as we would be in real life dating, then perhaps Cally is in the clear. As long as she never actually meets the people she’s dating. Unless it’s the Eastern European Horatio Caine who seemed all set to solve crime while crouching in an unknown garden somewhere – according to all available evidence he never removes his sunglasses, and thus might never notice Cally’s pigment deception.
Horatio has no hope though – Calliope has established as least one rule in her quest for love. CSI need not apply.