Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Uninvited A-Team

Last week I arrived at my esteemed place of employment to find 2 of my colleagues – Fanny (her parents are from a Victoria era time warp) and LJ – staring at me intently as I sat down, and demanding a reply to their emails. I assumed this could only relate to a very serious, and urgent work matter that required immediate attention due to it’s time sensitive nature. I dropped my bag and logged in, all the while praying I had not stuffed up in such a monumental manner that it would forever tar me with the brush of incompetence.

Fanny’s email read…

Subject: What do LJ & I need to do to get a run in your blog? Saw Kiwi Snow White* was on there, and we want in!!!

To which LJ had replied all…

It would seem that no amount of salt in your tea or taping up your mouse is enough to give us a run. What can we possibly do to tip you over the edge and give us a feature?

So, slightly less vital really, though exciting evidence that I can now bump my regular readership up to 4 (Mrs Woog, Mother Painefull, Fanny and LJ).

Fanny and LJ are those most necessary of office stalwarts (in workplaces where saving lives it not a regular occurrence), the workplace pranksters. To give you an idea of what they’re capable of…

Specialty: Secretly recording embarrassing conversations
M.O: Sending office wide announcements that she has something important to show everybody at 11am
Signature Novelty Item: Jelly beans that taste like nappies and rotting fruit which she offers to all new colleagues

Specialty: Elaborate setups involving mobile phone subterfuge
M.O: Should you receive the details of a business with something pornographic in the title via text, LJ is simply casually perusing the Yellow Pages site and utilizing their free text service on your behalf
Signature Novelty Item: Sticky taping your mouse so it no longer works

I’m not saying we don’t do important things in our jobs, I’m just saying that those who step away from their desk do so at their own peril. It took mere minutes for this duo to pour 4 sachets of salt into my freshly brewed tea. The taste I liken salted tea to is blood, in case you were wondering, and it was only when Fanny and LJ followed me into the kitchen, giggling like the school girls they continue to be at heart, that I realized I had not been visited by some sort of biblical curse.

They’re like The A-Team of the procrastinating world (they’re both remarkably old after all, so they’ve had plenty of time to practice). If you have a post-it on your back, if you are asked to open a volume entitled The Book of Yonis before someone explains to you what the word ‘Yoni’ actually means, if you find a mortifying post you don’t remember entering as a status update on your Facebook account, maybe you can blame The A-Team.

Painefull Out

* = Kiwi Snow White is my sweet natured, deeply caring Supervisor (who I often imagine singing to animated birds in her spare time) who recently made the terrifying revelation that she swerved to hit her first possum at the tender age of 16.

No comments:

Post a Comment