Things My Mother Told Me...

that turned out to be true:


- "You can’t embarrass me. I can embarrass you without even trying, but you can’t embarrass me."

- "You should have studied law."

- "If you keep going this way you're going to run out of eyebrows to work with. I fear for their safety."

- "I don’t want you to be friends with that person, I think she’s mentally unstable."

- "Share with people, then they’ll be forced to share back. Next time you have a choclate egg, share it with me."

- "That shirt is to big for you - people are going to mistake you for a boy and I'm not going to correct them."

- "So what if she's going on a date with the boy you like? Next time she tells you something like that, laugh and walk away - it'll make you seem mysterious."

- "Why are you so eager to shave your legs? You're going to spend the rest of your life doing it."

- "Your father gave you this obsessive behaviour, I just gave you bad knees and big breasts. Also, eventually, dementia."


Painefull Out

Ode to Mothers

If I had created life
I’d have a God Complex too
If I could always be right
And know just what to do

Then I’d be a mother
All-seeing and all-knowing
All-cooking and all-cleaning
Eyebrow cocked at tantrum throwing

With an unofficial medical degree
And a passion for weekend sport
Owning a collection of vomit-stained shirts
And stretch marks of every sort

A Mother Look is crucial
From her guilt-inducing glare
To finding the latest lost object
You could’ve sworn wasn’t there

She will always be on duty
She will nag you because, “I know”
She will learn to think, not say
“Well, I told you so”

Mother is not her definition
But one of many parts
A mother is a Woman first
Capable, independent, smart

She will fix you when you’re sick
She will help you when you’re in strife
And she will call you all the time
To swap details on daily life

But isn’t it reassuring?
To know there will always be another
One who cares, and hopes, and gives
Because she is your Mother


Painefull Out